


i think that i should probably tell you this, in case there is an accident and i never see you again

by intertwiningwords



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bill Has Anxiety, College AU, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Mutual Pining, long distance, studying abroad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25386709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intertwiningwords/pseuds/intertwiningwords
Summary: bill goes abroad for the fall semester and misses stan.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Original Male Character(s), Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	i think that i should probably tell you this, in case there is an accident and i never see you again

**Author's Note:**

> title is a lyric from "pancakes for dinner" by lizzy mcalphine, and bill's texts to stan are references from the song as well!!
> 
> this is dedicated to a very special lady in my life who ships stenbrough with her whole heart and soul <333
> 
> i hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> (warnings: mentions of flying/plane-related anxiety, references to a plane crash but it doesn't actually happen, lots of anxiousness and mentions of anxiety medication)

Spring semester of their sophomore year, Bill Denbrough and Stanley Uris kissed in a stupid, drunken game of spin the bottle at a party. The two boys had known each other since elementary school, and wound up attending the same university, and Bill could pinpoint his crush on Stan beginning in high school, when the two of them, accompanied by their friends Richie, Beverly, and Eddie, went swimming in their town’s quarry the night after their last final exam, and Stan looked more happy and carefree than ever, his curls damp and smile wide.

In college, they’d added Ben and Mike to their band of misfits and when they weren’t drowning in essays, the seven of them hung out in the dorms with bottles of cheap liquor and one of Bev’s masterfully crafted Spotify playlists.

Those nights grew more tense for Bill as their friends began to couple up, Eddie laying across Richie’s lap and Bev and Ben snuggled up on his bed. Mike had started dating a boy from his world history class named Tommy, and he often brought his partner around to those chill nights.

But, of course, that left Bill and Stan as the only two single ones, often gravitating towards one another. Bill wanted more than anything to throw an arm around Stan’s shoulder, fit in with the other couples there, the couples who had confessed their crushes and did something about it, but Bill couldn’t bring himself to ruin an almost lifelong friendship, terrified of the consequences if Stan didn’t feel the same.

After the kiss at the party, Bill woke up to a text from Stan, asking him if they could talk later that night. A twisting feeling in his gut, he said sure, as if the idea of talking about what had happened didn’t make him want to crawl into a hole and stay there forever.

An agonizing day of hungover classes followed, the added anxiety of Stan’s text leaving him unfocused and bouncing his leg beneath his desk. He walked across campus instead of getting in his car, too jittery to trust himself behind the wheel. They met at  _ their _ spot, a bench outside the main hall, the spot they always sat during free periods and caught one another up on their day, knees touching and making Bill’s heart race. 

Stan was already sitting, idly picking at the skin around his fingers, a nervous habit that Bill was always telling him to quit.

“He-hey,” he said, making Stan look up.

“Hey,” he replied, and scooted over on the bench for Bill to sit beside him. “How was class?”

Bill shrugged. “It was fine. Psych is st-still boring,” he said nonchalantly.

“I told you to take it last semester, but you didn’t listen to me,” Stan said, smiling fondly.

Bill laughed softly. “Save the I-told-you-so’s for when I flu-flunk.”

A silence filled the warm evening air, and Stan cleared his throat, ready to speak, but Bill beat him to it.

“I’m going abroad in the fall,” he said.

Stan stopped, mouth still half-open. “Oh. Wow, that’s...That’s awesome! Where?”

“London.”

“Wow...How long?”

“September to November.”

“Three months?”

Bill nodded.

The silence resumed.

“I’m happy for you,” Stan said. “You’ve been talking about going abroad forever. This is really exciting.”

Bill’s lips curled into a small smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks, Stan. I haven’t told the others yet, I just...I want to enjoy the rest of the semester without everyone acting like it’s the last time they’ll see me, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Like when Bev told us she was moving in eighth grade. It was literally only a town away, but we acted like it was the end of the world.”

Bill remembered that day vividly, because Bev had kissed him behind the trees in the back of the school. Because she was going to be gone, they never went any further with their crushes.

Now, Bill was going away for three months, and there was no reason to act on anything.

“What did you wa-want to talk about?” Bill asked.

Stan shook his head. “Nothing, I just...I knew you had something you weren’t telling me, I just wasn’t sure what. Mission complete, I guess,” he said, lips curling in a smile.

Bill rolled his eyes and nudged Stan in the ribs with his elbow.

They walked back to the dorms together, Stan heading for the room he shared with Ben, and Bill for the one he shared with Eddie. Thankfully, Eddie had snuck his way into Richie and Mike’s room that night, so no one was there to see the tears that fell down Bill’s cheeks.

***

Bill did eventually tell the others that he was leaving, and it was met with equal parts sadness and excitement. The summer was spent doing as much as they could as a group, from movie nights to parties, beach outings and long drives.

There was an added member to their group that summer: Patricia Blum, Bev’s roommate, who had curly brown hair and a silver Star of David necklace. She was introduced to Bill not as Bev’s roommate, but as Stanley’s girlfriend.

And he wanted to be happy for Stan, he truly did, but seeing the boy he’d loved for years kissing someone else felt like sinking further and further down into the ocean, and it was only a matter of time before he drowned, so he tore his eyes away and drowned his sorrows in spiked seltzer and Richie’s dab pen instead.

The end of the summer came quicker than expected, and Bill was packing his bags in no time, on the way to the airport in Eddie’s passenger seat. They’d had a going-away party for Bill the night before, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the way Stan had hugged him, tightly and so unlike the quick, one-armed hugs that Stan usually gave.

He gave Eddie one last hug and thanked him for the ride, and promised he’d let them all know when they landed.

A flight from Bangor, Maine to London was over eleven hours long, and Bill wasn’t a huge fan of airplanes in the first place, so he gratefully popped some of the anxiety medication that he’d totally gotten prescribed by a doctor and not just got from Eddie before boarding.

He slept the majority of the flight, and when he was awake, he listened to a playlist that Bev had made for him, and tried to read the book he’d brought in his carry-on bag, but couldn’t concentrate to save his life.

When he finally landed and met up with the other students from his program, the first thing Bill did was text his groupchat with the losers and let them know he’d landed safely. The replies of “have fun” and “try to meet the queen” spilled in, and it made him smile. He missed them already, but he knew they wouldn’t let him forget them while he was gone.

He attended writing workshops and his literature classes, as well as went sight-seeing with the other students. He got particularly close with a redheaded girl named Audra, and it wasn’t long before they kissed, and eventually, slept together, too.

Bill knew it wasn’t going to last: Audra did too. But it was a good way to keep his mind off the dread of returning home, still in love with a boy who didn’t love him back.

The three months passed quickly, yet somehow slowly too. The morning they headed to the airport still didn’t feel entirely real. What had become his new normal was already being torn away as he returned to his actual normal, the normal he missed, but was still afraid to go back to. In London, there was no Stan to pine after, and no Patty to twist the knife (although, it wasn’t her fault, of course). In London, there was Audra, who could drive Bill crazy with her bad habits (mostly of the illegal kind), but she was beautiful and he cared about her, and wasn’t that enough?

He said goodbye to Audra, hugging her close and telling her to call if she ever needed anyone to talk to. He said goodbye to all the other lovely people he’d met on his trip, and headed off to the terminal for his flight.

His flight was nearly delayed by an incoming thunderstorm, but the time remained, setting Bill’s anxiety off before they even arrived at the terminal. By the time they were seated on the plane, Bill couldn’t stop bouncing his leg, probably much to the annoyance of the other passengers around him.

Okay, so Eddie’s anxiety meds hadn’t lasted him til the flight home. Being abroad was fucking nerve-wracking, okay? He shut his eyes and put in his headphones, pulling up the same playlist he’d listened to the way to London, and tried to relax.

Take off was shaky and made Bill feel like he was going to throw up, but thankfully, he didn’t. The seatbelt light stayed on, and the flight attendants weren’t walking around half as much as they had during his first flight.

The turbulence kicked in about an hour later, and Bill’s fingernails dug small, pink crescent moons into his palms.

It was the early morning hours back in Maine, but Bill didn’t care. He pulled out his phone and connected it to the airplane’s shitty wifi. He didn’t text the groupchat; he texted Stan.

_ “i know you’re asleep, but i’m having a mini panic attack on the plane, so i’m gonna spam you with texts. sorry in advance” _

_ “how was the fall semester? _

_ “when i get back, can we get pancakes for dinner?” _

_ “if i make it back, that is. the turbulence is crazy” _

_ “if we crash, i need you to know something” _

_ “if you’re in love with patty, we can forget this ever happened” _

_ “but i want to get stuck in your head” _

_ “i want to watch tv in bed with you” _

_ “telling you this is so fucking scary” _

_ “i’m probably overreacting but i’ve convinced myself that this plane isn’t landing safely, so i guess i have nothing to lose” _

The grey bubble appeared and Bill froze.

_ “The plane isn’t going to crash because of a little turbulence. I promise you’re safe. Try to get some sleep, please. We’re picking you up at the airport. Let’s talk then. You can keep texting, if you need a distraction, but if I fall back asleep, just know I’m not ignoring you, I’m just fucking exhausted. xo” _

Surprisingly, it calmed him down. The fact that Stan had bothered to reply, the fact that he hadn’t said anything negative. The little hugs and kisses at the end that Stan rarely ever sent unless he was drunk or feeling particularly sappy. It helped him calm down, just a little bit.

When the turbulence calmed, Bill was finally able to fall asleep.

***

By the time Bill woke up, the plane landing soon, he’d honestly forgotten about the texts he’d sent Stan. He had a pretty shit memory in the best of times, but after a sizable anxiety attack, plus nine hours of sleep, he was lucky he remembered he was on an airplane at all.

The slow process of customs, the busy airport, all of it kept him distracted from his thoughts. He was just excited to see his friends, his stomach doing tiny flips as he walked out into the room where eager families and friends awaited the return of their loved ones.

It would have been hard to miss Bill’s friends, a group of six huddled together, a bright sign that said “WELCOME HOME, BILL” in Ben and Bev’s arms. A grin spread across his face, and he started towards them, suitcase rolling behind him.

But before he got any closer, one of them had rushed towards him, thrown their arms around his neck, and kissed him.

It was Stan, all curly hair and peppermint chapstick, and Bill kissed him back (once he’d recovered from the shock). The other losers whooped, catching the eye of other passersby who either smiled at the sweet sight or just kept on their way.

The first thing Bill said when they pulled away, ever so eloquently, was: “Hi.”

Stan grinned, his face flushed pink. “Hey.”

“Wha-what about Patty?”

“We decided we’re better off as friends. She said that we have her blessing.”

Bill chuckled, and pulled him back in for another hug.

“Don’t forget us, dude!” Richie called, breaking up their moment by inserting himself into the hug, making them laugh.

After Bill had given them all a substantial amount of physical affection, they all squeezed into Eddie’s car (Stan sat on Bill’s lap) and headed to their favorite on-campus restaurant, which just so happened to serve breakfast all day. He and Stan shared a stack of pancakes piled with syrup.

It turned out that Bill really didn’t have anything to lose when he sent those texts.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed!! if you enjoyed please consider leaving kudos or a comment b/c it really makes my day :)


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